Dr. Thomas Phelan,
ParentMagic.com, November 2006
If you're a parent living with small children, you may often feel like
you're invisible to your kids. After spending a day cajoling, reasoning,
threatening and even screaming in an attempt to get your kids to behave,
you may feel as if you simply didn't exist. But all that talking is
precisely the problem. If you feel like you're invisible, you're probably
way too audible.
When it comes to discipline, silence often speaks louder than words. Many
parents complicate the job of discipline by setting for themselves two
goals instead of just one. Their first goal is to get the kids to do what
they're supposed to do, which is fine. But when kids don't respond right
away, many parents add a second goal: getting the youngsters to accept,
agree with, or even like the discipline. So Mom and Dad start reasoning,
lecturing and explaining.
One Explanation is FineAll this extra
talking accomplishes only two things—both of them bad. First, it
aggravates the kids, and second, it says to the children that they really
don't have to behave unless you can give them four or five reasons why
they should.
One explanation is fine. But the mistake many parents make is trying to
reason with their kids as if they were "little adults," and too often
adult logic does not impress or motivate young children. Once you say "No"
to an obnoxious behavior, you should save your breath. Further pleading
will irritate you more and give the child a chance to continue the
battle—and the behavior.
From 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 New 3RD
Edition by Dr. Thomas Phelan
This best-selling program provides three simple steps to raising
well-behaved, happy, competent youngsters. Available in book, CD, VHS and
DVD formats. To learn more visit
http://www.parentmagic.com. |
