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Lansing State
Journal, June 11, 2003
Talk it up ... Parenting expert Chick Moorman's "10 best things to say
to your children":
I love you.
You choose.
Check it out inside.
You can do anything you make up your mind to do.
You always have more choices than you think you have.
Every problem has a solution.
What do you attribute that to?
I know you can handle it.
I appreciate your efforts.
No.
Tone it down ... And here are Moorman's "10 worst things to say to your
children":
We never wanted you anyway.
If you don't stop that, I'm going to leave you here.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Why can't you be more like your brother (or sister)?
Because I said so, that's why.
I'll let it go this time.
If you do that, then you're not my son (or daughter).
Here, let me do that for you.
You're useless (sick, revolting, etc.)
You're the reason we're getting a divorce.
Moorman's communication tips for parents:
Give kids limited choices. For example, if a child lists six things he or
she would like at a birthday party, agree that all of them would be fun,
then ask the child to pick two.
Give children responsibilities, and don't bail them out if they fail. For
example, if a child's gym bag is his responsibility and he arrived at the
gym without it, don't run home and get it. Tell him he'll have to sit out
the session so he can learn the consequence of leaving it behind.
Make yourself aware of the way you talk to your kids. When disciplining,
talk about the action and not the child. Shame, guilt and insults are not
effective.
Set aside time to talk with children and listen to their answers.
Try not to see problems as black-and-white. Instead, help kids look at all
angles of a situation and develop a variety of solutions, then choose the
most appropriate solution.
Meet Moorman
Chick Moorman, author of "Parent Talk: How to Talk to Your Children in
Language that Builds Self-Esteem and Encourages Responsibility" (Fireside
Books, $13) will appear at 7 p.m. Thursday at Schuler Books & Music in the
Meridian Mall. He'll discuss his book and ways to nourish children's
spirits.
To learn more about Moorman's work, check the Web at
www.chickmoorman.com.
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